May 4, 2010

A retrospective of some of my favorite otters.

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Guess what?  The Otter Blog turned one today!  My intentions were to make about five of these, but things just spiraled out of control, and now, over 200 otters later, I think it is time to call it quits.  To the tens of twenties of people who read this, I hope you enjoyed the ride; I know I did.  K.thx.bye!
PS – I will still be over here, writing haikus about Boner Stabone and John Stamos if anyone is interested.
Original otter via

Guess what?  The Otter Blog turned one today!  My intentions were to make about five of these, but things just spiraled out of control, and now, over 200 otters later, I think it is time to call it quits.  To the tens of twenties of people who read this, I hope you enjoyed the ride; I know I did.  K.thx.bye!

PS – I will still be over here, writing haikus about Boner Stabone and John Stamos if anyone is interested.

Original otter via

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May 3, 2010
This is Iron Otter (you’ll have to trust me; there is an otter under there).  Iron Otter was the focus of a two-hour long, $150 million dollar movie, where I keep waiting for something awesome to happen, but it never does…and, to make matters worse, I was exposed to Gwyneth Paltrow periodically throughout this lumbering snooze fest.  In the end, I found myself rooting for Jeff Bridges in hopes there would be no sequel, but Paramount decided they could not pass up the opportunity to torture me again, so look for Iron Otter 2 this summer.  I will be at home, trying to drum up the courage to sit through Avatar.
Original otter via

This is Iron Otter (you’ll have to trust me; there is an otter under there).  Iron Otter was the focus of a two-hour long, $150 million dollar movie, where I keep waiting for something awesome to happen, but it never does…and, to make matters worse, I was exposed to Gwyneth Paltrow periodically throughout this lumbering snooze fest.  In the end, I found myself rooting for Jeff Bridges in hopes there would be no sequel, but Paramount decided they could not pass up the opportunity to torture me again, so look for Iron Otter 2 this summer.  I will be at home, trying to drum up the courage to sit through Avatar.

Original otter via

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April 29, 2010
Welcome!  Please come in.  Have you come to hear your fortune?  Please take a seat across from me, place $100 on the table, and prepare to have Zoltrotter the Great reveal the secrets of the universe to you!
Does the letter “L” mean anything to you?  I am getting…L….Lun….Lunch!  Yes, lunch!  You will eat a lunch.  It will consist of food, and possibly a beverage.  The beverage will be moist, and somewhat refreshing.
Now…I am getting a clear vision of your summer.  I am hearing a voice, it is telling me that you will do stuff this summer.  Oh, such wonderful stuff!  And there is more, the voice is also telling me you will do things!  This is very exciting.  Your summer will be full of stuff and things!  
Finally, I feel that you are unhappy.  I can hear your soul being crushed, and your aura is a dark gray.  Is it your job?  Yes, I believe your job is slowly crushing your will to live.  Fear not otter blogger, for you will be able to throw off the shackles of your servitude in exactly 92 days!  You can then pursue your life of leisure and drunkenness as God intended.  Huzzah!!

Welcome!  Please come in.  Have you come to hear your fortune?  Please take a seat across from me, place $100 on the table, and prepare to have Zoltrotter the Great reveal the secrets of the universe to you!

Does the letter “L” mean anything to you?  I am getting…L….Lun….Lunch!  Yes, lunch!  You will eat a lunch.  It will consist of food, and possibly a beverage.  The beverage will be moist, and somewhat refreshing.

Now…I am getting a clear vision of your summer.  I am hearing a voice, it is telling me that you will do stuff this summer.  Oh, such wonderful stuff!  And there is more, the voice is also telling me you will do things!  This is very exciting.  Your summer will be full of stuff and things! 

Finally, I feel that you are unhappy.  I can hear your soul being crushed, and your aura is a dark gray.  Is it your job?  Yes, I believe your job is slowly crushing your will to live.  Fear not otter blogger, for you will be able to throw off the shackles of your servitude in exactly 92 days!  You can then pursue your life of leisure and drunkenness as God intended.  Huzzah!!

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April 27, 2010
Donny: How come you don’t roll on Saturday, Walter? Walter Sobchak: I’m shomer shabbos. Donny: What’s that? The Dude: Yeah, and in the meantime, what do I tell Lebowski? Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don’t work, I don’t drive a car, I don’t fucking ride in a car, I don’t handle money, I don’t turn on the oven, and I sure as shit *don’t fucking roll*! Donny: Sheesh. Walter Sobchak: Shomer shabbos! The Dude: Walter, how am I going to… Walter Sobchak: Shomer fucking shabbos. The Dude: Oh fuck it. I’m out of here.
Original otters via

Donny: How come you don’t roll on Saturday, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: I’m shomer shabbos.
Donny: What’s that?
The Dude: Yeah, and in the meantime, what do I tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don’t work, I don’t drive a car, I don’t fucking ride in a car, I don’t handle money, I don’t turn on the oven, and I sure as shit *don’t fucking roll*!
Donny: Sheesh.
Walter Sobchak: Shomer shabbos!
The Dude: Walter, how am I going to…
Walter Sobchak: Shomer fucking shabbos.
The Dude: Oh fuck it. I’m out of here.

Original otters via

April 26, 2010
About four months back, we profiled the governor of Idaho, one C.L. “Butch” Otter (pictured above).  Today, we have a bit of a good news, bad news situation.  The good news is that Governor Otter is just fine, and there is no real cause for alarm.  The bad news is, according to this article, he was hospitalized over the weekend because of fever and dehydration.  Apparently, he started “feeling ill Saturday while helping Lt. Gov. Brad Little brand and castrate calves.”  All of us here at youotterreadthisblog send our best wishes to the governor, and we hope he is able to return to mutilating calves very soon.
Original otter via 

About four months back, we profiled the governor of Idaho, one C.L. “Butch” Otter (pictured above).  Today, we have a bit of a good news, bad news situation.  The good news is that Governor Otter is just fine, and there is no real cause for alarm.  The bad news is, according to this article, he was hospitalized over the weekend because of fever and dehydration.  Apparently, he started “feeling ill Saturday while helping Lt. Gov. Brad Little brand and castrate calves.”  All of us here at youotterreadthisblog send our best wishes to the governor, and we hope he is able to return to mutilating calves very soon.

Original otter via 

April 22, 2010
I have no idea why I thought this was necessary.  I can say that this show would have been much better if an otter was the housekeeper, instead of that dude named Alice.

I have no idea why I thought this was necessary.  I can say that this show would have been much better if an otter was the housekeeper, instead of that dude named Alice.

April 19, 2010
Does anyone want to get together and play a little D&D?  Wizard Otter is looking for a game, and he will totally BYO-12-sided die.  He has recently ascended to level 11, and he is looking for an opportunity to display his quarterstaff and alchemy skillz.  Anyone who is interested in a game can contact him through ICQ or Friendster.  Later nerds.   
Original otter via

Does anyone want to get together and play a little D&D?  Wizard Otter is looking for a game, and he will totally BYO-12-sided die.  He has recently ascended to level 11, and he is looking for an opportunity to display his quarterstaff and alchemy skillz.  Anyone who is interested in a game can contact him through ICQ or Friendster.  Later nerds.   

Original otter via

April 15, 2010
stuffaboutminneapolis:

U Otter Stop Inn, Minneapolis by Me
This is for You Otter Read This Blog. Otters put in people type situations mixed with MS Paint is always a win.

Paul, I feel like you, and this bar, totally get me.

stuffaboutminneapolis:

U Otter Stop Inn, Minneapolis by Me

This is for You Otter Read This Blog. Otters put in people type situations mixed with MS Paint is always a win.

Paul, I feel like you, and this bar, totally get me.

You know, today is tax day, and because of that, I do not really feel like writing a story about this otter.  However, so this is not a complete waste of your time, I will offer you a bit of unsolicited advice…never, ever ask a guy running a halal food cart if he has any haram goods in the back.  I thought the joke was mushbooh at worst, but he did not think it was funny.  At all.
Original otter via 
Concept inspired by the comedic genius of Ole.

You know, today is tax day, and because of that, I do not really feel like writing a story about this otter.  However, so this is not a complete waste of your time, I will offer you a bit of unsolicited advice…never, ever ask a guy running a halal food cart if he has any haram goods in the back.  I thought the joke was mushbooh at worst, but he did not think it was funny.  At all.

Original otter via 

Concept inspired by the comedic genius of Ole.